WWE Survivor Series Dream Team

Imagine the scenario: someone tells you that you can choose your favourite 5 wrestlers from any era and they will let you make them into a Survivor Series tag-team. Exciting? Definitely. Fun? Absolutely! Difficult? Way more than you’d think.

So, there were a number of ways to approach this: do I pick my favourite stars regardless of era and stick them together? Should I pick 5 wrestlers - heels, faces, dead or alive - and pretend that I could conceive of them being a team on an imaginary Survivor Series ppv? Maybe I should go competitive and look at Survivors streaks – wins and losses, main-eventers or mid-carders – and build a team of winners? I even considered just making a team of unbeatable giants. Why did I give this so much thought?

In the end, I went with two main criteria: did I love them as a wrestler and what were their Survivor Series credentials. One may override the other but I gave up caring too much about self-imposed rules after a while and embraced the fantasy of it all.

Randy ‘Macho Man’ Savage

Randy was a childhood hero and was arguably excellent in role as both babyface and heel. His Survivor Series credentials might be amongst some of the strongest on my list but he’s also one of my favourite wrestlers from any company in any era.

Savage was at the very first Survivor Series in 1987 and went on to appear at six Survivor Series ppvs, main-eventing two of those six but, crucially, remaining undefeated at the November show. When Survivor Series was the Thanksgiving ppv, Savage embodied all the pomp and ceremony of the occasion but could back it all up in the ring, too. There are few who could match the work rate that Savage could produce during this period – perhaps only Flair and Steamboat could hold a candle to him in that respect.

In addition to Savage, I’m cheekily going include a six member of the team – Elizabeth. In the late 80s when they were together on and off screen that partnership was everything that wholesome, honest babyface wrestling should have been about. It seems only fitting that these two should be on the team together.

Bret Hart

Controversially, Hart and Michaels are on the same team, in this instance, but this is within my licence as a fantasy booker to do so. Not only is Hart a sublime technician, he’s also a winner and a huge draw.

Like Savage, Hart was also at the first ever Survivor Series in 87. He was working as The Hart Foudation with Jim Neidhart that year (they were eliminated by The Killer Bees) but he would then go on to be a part of all of the first 11 Survivor Series ppvs. Of those, he was a main-eventer by his sixth but he was used quite creatively before he was at the top of the card. The Hart Family feud with Lawler was in 1993 but when Lawler was accused of rape, he was pulled from the show and replaced by Michaels. Hart went on to defeat Steve Austin in ‘96 and was then, of course, involved with Michaels in what is the most famous wrestling angle in history in 1997.

Growing up, Hart was a hero. For a man who never smiled, he was surprisingly influential as a babyface but, for a long, long time, he was a winner. He had good genetics but had by no means a huge physique, and so was very different from the comic-book archetype that made up Vince’s dreams in the early 90s. He was an ok promo and got better but it was his in-ring work that would speak for itself. In a team of survivors, Bret epitomises the plucky, never-say-day, sympathetic babyface and for those reasons, he’s in.

Shawn Michaels

Much of what I have said about Bret could also apply to Shawn. But Shawn has a charisma that goes beyond his outstanding ring work. He is an implicit understanding of how wrestling angles should be handled and this is translated in his excellent microphone work but is also born out in his wonderful in-ring psychology. His being part of this team means that fans would see two favourites, who were enemies for so long, working together as a tag team. I imagine they would have a lot of fun working promos together and would have the ability to destroy some poor, less adept saps on the opposing heel team. I would also imagine that their in-ring work would be an utter joy to watch – the key with creating a credible heel team at Suvirvor Series is having a babyface team who can sell and, here, I have some of the best in the business.

Again, like Bret, Shawn’s Survivor Series credentials speak for themselves. His Survivor Series ppv debut was in 1988; he performed at four as a Rocker; had main-evented by his fifth (against Hart); fought Hart with his knights (Horrowitz, Valentine, Gaylord), due to Lawler having to miss the event, in ‘93; and has been a part of 16 Survivor Series ppvs, main-eventing 6 of them. All this coupled with his starring role in the Montreal Screwjob in 1997 and his resilience and endurance as a draw make him a perfect member for my babyface team.

Mr Perfect

Curt Hennig is one of the funniest men I have ever watched in wrestling. His timing and facials had the ability to make the 6 year old me laugh as much as they do now. His work with Heenan, McMahon, Flair, Monsoon and Mooney in the early 90s on colour commentary and as a bodyguard/manager show just how talented he was because, in the ring, he was such a joy to watch. Although a gifted athlete, Hennig showed that he wasn’t just a mindless beefcake. But, most of all, only a certain, very special character could make the moniker of ‘Mr Perfect’ work. (I like to envisage the meeting where they came up with that one: “hmmm, what should we call him? Curt Hennig sounds far too much like a jobber. I mean, after all, he’s a great athlete, he’s got tons of personality and charisma, I mean he’s perfect… wait, that’s it!”)

Hennig’s Survivor Series credentials are not as strong as others but it’s my love for him as a performer that totally overrides this. Making his Survivor Series debut in 1988, he teamed up with Andre the Giant and would go on to appear at 5 ppvs; he didn’t wrestle 91; replaced Warrior at ‘92 to team up against Flair with Savage; and was replaced by Savage in 93.

Hennig would make an excellent mouthpiece for any team but with all these strong talkers he’d be just as good at making appropriate facials while others cut promos. One of my favourite memories of Mr Perfect is something really tiny: when Hart was wrestling Flair in 92, Hart dislocated his finger and popped it back in, mid-match. On the outside, a shell-suited, towel-carrying Hennig cringes, out of character, grimaces and is seen to say “oh man!” to the fans on the hard cam side of the ring. I think Hart talks about it in his WWE DVD but it always stuck in my mind. You know that with Curt in your team, you’d be looked after, you’d be ribbed and you’d probably win. If you didn’t, he cut a tremendous promo telling you why they’d been screwed. Perfect. Pun intended.

CM Punk

CM Punk is an obvious choice if someone in 2013 is picking their favourite wrestlers but I make no apology for his inclusion. I haven’t just picked Punk for the many truths that exist around him in my mind - because I like him so much as an individual, or because of the fact that I am compelled to watch anything he does on television. I have picked him because I think that he would click beautifully with the team, particularly with Savage (a hero of Punk’s) and Hennig. Not only is Punk also an excellent worker now and a fantastic seller when he needs to be, he is also deferential to talent who paved the way for him to do what he is doing now.

What I also like about Punk in this context is that he is a professional. At least on screen. People may raise an eyebrow to that statement but he is. One of the reasons why I watch WWE today is that CM Punk always makes the angles he’s involved in seem relevant, no matter how zany or camp. Now, Survivor Series is not my favourite gimmick match by any means, in fact it’s way down the list, but I think Punk can always be relied upon to make this angle everything that it’s probably not: credible, significant and meaningful.

Despite Punk only clocking up seven years with the company to date, he still boasts some mean Survivor Series credentials: he first appeared at 2006 as part of DX team and was put over strong and adored by fans; he defeated Morrison and Miz at 2007; lost to Team Orton (on Team Batista) in 2008; lost on Team Orton (to Team Kofi) in 2009; but after missing the 2010 ppv, he defeated del Rio in 2011 and defeated Cena and Ryback at the 2012 show. Now as a main-eventer, Punk is one of the top three strongest performers in WWE and should be winning on ppvs more often than not.

Closing thoughts

I’m pleased to say that I resisted giving this collaboration an absurd name but I did feel it pertinent to draw attention to some of the ridiculous names that they used to give teams in the early years of Survivor Series: The Teamsters, The 4x4s, The Foreign Fanatics, The Rude Brood and Roddy’s Rowdies are just some examples of the wacky names given to cobbled-together teams of men for this ppv. And that, for me, is the main problem with this show. So often, it is cobbled together teams (see Triple H’s backstage promo on the 2007 show where he points out that none of his team actually get on) and the angles between the teams are rarely give much build. But it’s also the beauty of this show: it’s a concept that shouldn’t mean anything to fans and used to mean WWE would have to book themselves out of a corner just to fit the gimmick of the show but it also means champions can be beaten without losing the belt.

If you don’t agree with my picks, I completely understand. There were many who I considered who I vetoed on the basis of not feeling drawn to them strongly enough. The decision to put Shawn and Bret together might seem ridiculous given their synonymy with this ppv as enemies but this is fantasy booking and, as history will tell you, Survivor Series rarely makes sense.

WWE Superstars TV Report – 24th October 2013

This week’s show gave us some more really strong wrestling, a reinvigorated Damien Sandow - that makes me think he’s cashing in soon - and plenty of reasons to buy the Hell in a Cell ppv this Sunday

Fandango and Summer Rae come out first as the crowd Fandango. About time they went with this guy – he can work, he’s been around with this gimmick for a long time now and has got to the point now where they need to either push him or give him a new angle. Out to face him is Justin Gabriel sporting a pony tail. I would team Gabriel up with Tyson Kidd now that he’s back and fit

Fandango v Justin Gabriel

The two lock up and immediately Gabriel super kicks Fandango and goes for a cover. He kicks out at 2¾ and so Gabriel goes for an O’Conner roll but again Fandango kicks out, this time with his wits about him. Gabriel hooks his arms and legs around Fandango’s shoulders and as he goes for a Samoan drop, Gabriel reverses it so that he pins his shoulders – again only for a two count. As Fandango takes to the corner to recover, Gabriel lets out a howl and charges at him only to be flipped over the top rope and down on to the apron.

Uh-oh, Tom Phillips has taken Tony Dawson’s horrible nickname for Gabriel, calling him the ‘Darewolf’. Why do I hate that name so much? Because it’s completely stupid.

Fandango takes to the outside of the ring and throws Gabriel into the dasher boards and runs him into the ring apron. He then rolls Gabriel back into the ring and jumps over the top rope from the apron and lands a double leg drop on to his back and covers him for two. This move looks great but is going to mean he needs replacement hips by the time he’s 40. Fandango applies a rear chin lock and eventually Gabriel powers out and hits a side suplex to break the hold.

When both men get to their feet and Gabriel gets the heat, using twisting kicks and strikes to knock Fandango down. Riley is pointing out on commentary at this point that Gabriel has been making Twitter friends with Enrique Iglesias. I do like Riley but I think he needs to be working on SmackDown occasionally so that he can hear how it’s done and have the chance to work with Cole who takes no prisoners when it comes to poor co-hosts. Meanwhile, Gabriel hits a stinger splash in the corner and uses a sitout power bomb on Fandango into a cover to get another very near fall.

Summer Rae’s facials are getting much better; she’s due a feud now I think. While Gabriel goes for a springboard, top rope moonsault, she fans herself with her hands and looks extremely concerned. She’d be good in the role of the damsel in distress. Fandango rolls out of the way and so Gabriel just lands on his chest which looks extremely painful. Fandango just gets up and kicks him.

The finish sees Fandango leg drop Gabriel from the top rope and cover him for the win in 3:45. Boy is that finisher going shorten his career.

Winner: Fandango via pinfall

The Raw Rebound is next – Triple H and Steph’s segment with Big Show and Bryan followed by the tag match between Punk & Big E and Axel & Ryback.

Out next on Superstars is R-Truth who comes out rapping. I have to say the crowd seemed to absolutely love this except the guy that they gave a close up to who looked like he was utterly baffled and was witnessing some kind occult séance. Out to face him is Damien Sandow who I think must be cashing soon. This week, he’s been on Main Event and now this and they’ve kept him off the main shows for a couple of weeks now. He is now without robe and so, instead, tucks his towel into his t-shirt! He cuts a promo saying that for “the last year and a half I’ve been trying to help you but none of you are listening so, starting tonight I’m going to start worrying about the only one who really matters - Damien Sandow.”

R-Truth v Damien Sandow

They start the match with Truth asking the crowd “what’s up” a few times which they respond to. Sandow then just shouts “silence!” I really do love his gimmick. Truth gets the early dominance in this match with kicks, clotheslines and hip tosses, getting two near falls. When he goes into the ropes with Sandow laying in position to receive his double leg drop, I laughed when Sandow sat up too early and so Truth slapped him in the face and then went for the leg drop and cover.

Sandow responds with a drop toe hold so that Truth lands with his neck on the middle ropes. He nails him from behind with punches and strikes to the back of the head and then charges at him and scissors his head. This is when Sandow is best – being stiff and looking dangerous and out of control. We go to a commercial with a close up Sandow looking furious, all because of a slap to the face.

When we return, Sandow has Truth in a rear chin lock. As Truth powers out, Sandow goes back to landing Truth with punches and stomps so that he stays down. He then uses a side Russian leg sweep to put Truth in position for the Cubito Aequet and gets a two count for his troubles. He then lands knees to Truth’s back and puts him in body scissors rest hold.

Truth punches his way out and as they get to the feet, Sandow again lands him with stiff forearms and knees to pummel him to the mat and then hits him with a side suplex for another near fall. It seems like he’s experimenting with a more aggressive style – maybe to prepare for his main event programme with Del Rio or Cena after he cashes in?

When Sandow misses a splash Truth makes a comeback. He hits Sandow with a series of moves followed by near falls – a sitout double underhook facebuster, a hip toss and a scissors kick before Sandow reverses and out of nowhere hits him with the You’re Welcome Slam for the win in 8:03.

Winner: Damien Sandow via pinfall

This was a really good match by Superstars standards. Sandow looks ready to cash in for me but it could go two ways: they’re keen to make amends for Battleground so do you cram Hell in a Cell with enough headline-makers as you can or do you wait until Survivor Series or TLC?

Another strong edition of Superstars finishes with the John Cena comeback videos and the wonderful Daniel Bryan/Shawn Michaels video package that tells the story of his training in TWA. The closes out with the final angle from Raw with Big Show turning up in a truck!

WWE Superstars TV Report – 17th October 2013

This week’s show gave us some really strong wrestling, one of the best 4 minute matches I’ve seen WWE produce in a long time and gave some real muscle to WWE’s Hell in a Cell build.

The show kicks off this week with Kofi’s pyro who comes out to some serious crowd sweetening.  As he bounces around the ring, we cut to Tom Phillips and Alex Riley on commentary who tell us that Hell in a Cell is only two weeks away. In doing so, Alex Riley holds up two fingers. But not in the good way. Yes, Alex Riley swears at us as they comment on Kofi’s new T-shirt which is currently pink. This is supposed to be a family show, A-Ry, that’s a shame.

Damien Sandow is his opponent tonight. Don’t forget, he still holds the Money in Bank briefcase which is a bit like holding a card that says ‘do not book until further notice’ for a worker in WWE. They give them the briefcase and then largely ignore them until they need them to do a run in. He cuts a promo on the crowd finishing by saying that “the only thing that is relevant is my money in the bank contract”. Could have fooled me.

Kofi Kingston v Damien Sandow

The two lock up and Sandow puts Kofi in a headlock and whips him into the ropes and shoulder barges him to the mat. He then whips Kofi again who finally catches a reverse elow and Sandow cowers in the corner. This time when they lock up again, Sandow kicks Kofi in the midrift and then headbutts him, throwing him to the corner and shoulder charging him repeatedly until the referee stops him. Then, out of an Irish whip Kofi reverses a hip toss, and goes for a monkey flip for a two count.

Kofi leaps on Sandow and applies a rist lock until Sandow forces Kofi into a corner and powers out with elbows. Sandow then headbutts Kofi to the mat, picks him up by the hair but gets hurricanranaed out of through the middle rope and out of the ring. As he gets up, Kingston runs the ropes and hits him through the ropes with a baseball slide/missile dropkick forcing Sandow into the announce table. Kofi rolls him back into the ring but Sandow rolls out the other side to avoid further offence. Kingston then teases a topé but stops and laughs at Sandow who had cowered expecting it to come.

Kofi then rolls outside and chases Sandow around the ring and when they get back inside the ropes, Sandow takes a top rope springboard strike the head. Out of heelish desperation, Sandow uses a drop toe hold to choke Kofi using the middle rope and both men stay down as we go to a break.

After the commercials, Sandow is in control as Kofi kicks out of a cover at two. Sandow rakes Kofi’s eyes and pulls him outside the ring and uses knees and shins to Kofi’s head. He shouts “stay down” to him and the postures to the crowd. Back in the ring, he hits a side Russian leg sweep and the Cubito Aeqeut (elbow of distain) for a two count. Sandow then keeps the pressure on by applying a rear choke hold and Kofi manages to stand up and power out of it into an Irish whip where he is able to hit a reverse chop and big a drop kick as he starts to get the heat. He lands the Boom Drop but misses Trouble in Paradise. He rolls Sandow up for a two count and then hits a springboard cross body off the top turnbuckle for a very close near fall.

The finish sees Kofi hit the SOS but Sandow grabs the rope to avoid the three count. When he gets up, he plants Kofi’s head into the top turnbuckle and hits the Full Nelson Slam for the win in 8:08.

The Raw Rebound is next – Shawn Michael’s and Randy Orton’s segment is up first followed by a Big Show and Triple H video package that leads into the Daniel Bryan and Alberto Del Rio match.

Out next on Superstars is Dolph Ziggler. I’m disappointed for Dolph on a weekly-basis. But his opponent on Superstars is Big E Langston, another worker who I feel sorry for. Remember when these two were feuding? That was at Summerslam, which was two months ago. Now they’re on Superstars after both having been completely forgotten about for whatever reasons – purportedly, Dolph because he is too vocal on social media and Big E because Cena has been away. Well, they’re given less than 4 minutes tonight.

Dolph Ziggler v Big E Langston

These two men who hate each other’s guts, start with a lock up. Of course a lock up. Dolph ducks a lock up attempt and tries to double leg Langston but gets caught and immediately put into position for the Big Ending. Dolph wriggles out but Big E catches him in a bear hug. This is all pace and action right from the bell – both are clearly aware of the time constraints. Langston slams him and splashes him for a two count.

Langston beats Ziggler down with chops and punches and then lands him with two back breakers and then rubs his forearm into the back of Ziggler’s head and then re-applies the bear hug. Ziggler powers out and whips off the ropes but runs into a stiff elbow. Ziggler has just returned from a live event programme in Abu Dhabi but looks active without a hint of jet lag here as Langston puts him into a abdominal stretch that he powers out of with punches and elbows to Big E’s head.

Ziggler attacks him and hits a beautiful drop kick but then misses a splash to the corner and eats a clothesline that Ziggler sold like it completely killed him. As he lies motionless on the mat, Langston removes the straps from his singlet and hoists him up for the Big Ending as Dolph dangles dead weight from his shoulders. Right at the last second, Dolph wriggles into life, fights free from the hold, stumbles back into the corner, dodges a charge from Langston and out of nowhere hits the Zig Zag. He covers him for a win in 3:48.

Now THAT is how you wrestle a 4 minute match. Lots of action; the bigger man looked dominant but the sympathetic, plucky babyface stays within reach just enough to look like a contender. Crucially, when the babyface hits his finisher, it doesn’t matter how big the opponent is, it is enough to beat him.

An infinitely improved edition of Superstars finishes with wonderful video package that tells the story of Cody and Goldust’s winning of the tag titles from Monday. When these two feud at WrestleMania, it’s going to really mean something. Please, WWE, don’t mess this one up.

Booking WWE WrestleMania 30: Are we too far out?

It’s October. We’re two weeks away from Hell in a Cell, six weeks away from Survivor Series and three months away from the Royal Rumble. That’s not counting a pit stop at TLC in December before the Royal Rumble and the subsequent Elimination Chamber before we’re even close to knowing who is in position for matches at WrestleMania. 26 episodes of Raw, the same number of SmackDowns (for what they’re worth) and plenty of time for injuries, wellness policy violations and backstage politicking means that it’s far too early to be thinking about WrestleMania 30. Surely? Guessing the Mania card and watching it take shape is tremendous fun so I’m about to take a stab in the dark…

If we try to look at this with some logic (dangerous, I know) we should start with the facts. WWE will want WrestleMania 30 to break records but in order for that to happen they will need to pay attention to the numbers: SummerSlam was down to 186,000 US buys domestic with Punk, Lesnar, Cena and Bryan in the main events. If they are to trust this as a sign of things to come, all of this booking speculation may be well wide of the mark. This drop was from the stellar previous year’s number, 296,000, where Brock and HHH were in the main event. This year’s Mania wasn’t where they assumed it would be either. Yes, they had difficulties with streaming but that aside they were down, overall, from 1.219 million to 1.048. Not a huge drop and still big business but the trajectory is down, not up. In fact, since Elimination Chamber, the ppv numbers have been down on 2012, with the exception of Money in the Bank which was marginally up by 4,000. I would imagine that this all fuels Hunter’s belief that he needs to be on the card and that people like Lesnar and Rock will only generate so much of an artificial increase in numbers.

The common factor amongst the most successful of recent ppv buyrate numbers seems to be that they spike for gimmick ppvs. Fans enjoy them because they invoke imagination and produce unpredictable outcomes like Royal Rumble, Elimination Chamber and Money in the Bank. The question that may be answered in the next few months is just how tangible the support for Bryan is in terms of ppv buys and this, coupled with digging themselves out of the hole that they created by that brutal ppv last week, may produce an answer that they don’t like. Whether or not the increase in buys for a particular ppv is due to the personnel or the booking is unclear but what is clear is that arenas full of “yes!” chants aren’t an indication that a consequent ppv will sell well.

Well, all this said, I’m going to largely go with logic but mainly stick my neck out. I’ll call some locks, make some fantasy predictions and speculate on what could be for the event in April 2014. Let’s start with the locks.

Undertaker v Brock. A match that was talked about last year but it was rumoured that Undertaker didn’t much fancy working with an opponent as stiff as Brock and because they don’t see eye-to-eye. They felt that Punk was a better prospect since he needed a high-profile match coming off his long title reign. You can see now that the timing is right for this. The Beast v The Streak - whatever you want to tagline it - would be one of the few legitimate matches where people could suspend their disbelief enough to trust that the streak could end. It would be a match where they might feel The Undertaker could actually lose. Heyman is a perfect addition for this, too. They can have Brock lose, turn on Heyman after the match or on Raw the next night and, hey presto, we have a babyface who is massively over. Perhaps at Extreme Rules (a ppv that Brock has appeared at for the last two years) they’ll do Ryback and Brock.

Rhodes v Rhodes. I have to believe that this is where they’re going with these two. Wrestling loves a sibling rivalry and this one has been talked about for years. Bringing Dustin back this far out would give plenty of time for us to invest in them as a babyface team so that when they split and go against each other, we actually care. The saving grace of Battleground was that beautiful finish of their match against The Shield and that can be where the promo video for this match starts. I assume that long term they don’t see Goldust as part of the active roster but Cody needs to kick on soon otherwise he’ll never get beyond the lower mid-card. Goldust is, though, a hell of a worker and is in good shape right now. His inverse face paint (black being the dominant colour) could be a foreshadowing for his character’s capacity for temptation and I would suggest that the Helmsley-McMahon regime turn him to their way of thinking and we see him turn heel on Cody. The tag titles will probably be involved early in the story arc and I can see Goldust turning on Cody when he costs them so that they lose them at the Rumble or Chamber ppvs.

Triple H v Vince. I’m not saying that these two are going to wrestle. In fact, I seriously doubt that. But what we do know is that this storyline is going to end with a fight for control of WWE. Perhaps neither wrestles, perhaps each picks a protégé or a team each but, let’s be honest, Hunter is going to want to be on the card at WrestleMania and particularly at the 30^th anniversary show. It would seem that Triple H and Big Show is already a match raring to go and I’m not sure how you would keep them apart for six months. Orton would be a good opponent but it’s been done and would mean turning Orton again. Cena might be the answer. Does Shane return? Well, there are many ways that they could go with this but the ultimate idea for this feud, along with its very real and concrete stipulations, is a lock.

Speculating and fantasy booking is really fun but few are successful at calling it right. Myself included. Those 26 weeks’ worth of Raw I mentioned? Those shows get scripted twice (at least) so, unless you can climb into Vince’s head, you’ll never be 100% on booking these shows. Mind you, I doubt even Vince knows right now what he wants at WrestleMania 30. So, to fantasy booking and speculation!

Punk v Bryan. Lots of things lead many to believe that this will headline the ppv. Firstly, it would produce the best wrestling match that the company could put on. Both are extremely over, both have shown themselves to be safe bets to produce excellent matches on ppv and both should be in the title picture. Even though the title is vacant, Bryan is winning it at Hell in a Cell and we know that the plan is to put Punk back into the title picture sooner rather than later. I’d have Punk win the Rumble. If Cena is kept off this title program, which is a big ‘if’, and Orton is used elsewhere, then this would be a fantastic main event title match. Punk has also made it clear on numerous occasions that his ultimate goal is to be last on at a Mania. Yes, it would be a 50/50 deal with the crowd and I know that’s an issue. Being last on at Mania, if they did that, could of course be a poisoned chalice – remember Hunter and Orton getting zero reaction when they went on last after Taker and Michaels? – well, maybe this will be his year. If it isn’t, the much-salivated-over Punk v Austin for the following year might be the time for that. 

Wyatts v Shield. I could be way off on this and they may well go with Bray Wyatt for the World title sooner or later. Who knows where these two teams will be placed on the card in six months. The Shield were the big thing, then they did something stupid backstage and the push was cooled and now they seem to be jobber-enforcers - in the main event picture but as nothing more than glorified lumberjacks. The Wyatts have a great gimmick but garner no reaction in the ring. Wyatt can work and has proved that he can in the past but is way off the pace at present. Harper and Rowan are much more limited. Having said that, six-man tag matches are almost always good in WWE and there’s plenty for them to hide behind in a match like this. Will it draw? Well, it’s not going to sell any tickets but it could sell some goat masks.

Cena. I don’t know where Cena fits in to all this. You could put him against Orton. You could put him against Hunter. Either would work but he needs to be front and centre to sell some buys. I’m picking him to be up against Triple H.

Hogan. Does Hogan return? As things stand the claim is that he’s not going back to TNA and they’re playing up that they don’t want or need him. It could all be a work, of course. He came out yesterday and said that he was ‘wide open’ right now. Would Vince want him to be at WrestleMania 30? Possibly. Would he draw? Possibly. But if Hulk Hogan returns to WWE, he’s not going to work and no-one really wants to see an old, beat-up, out of shape Hulk Hogan work. He’d be fine in the nostalgia roll; he’d be a great Hall of Fame inductee: he could come down and help to clear the ring of some heel faction, tear his shirt and posture to the crowd, putting over some up-and-comer in the process. That would be about it. What would that cost the WWE? You have to wonder whether that would that be a good use of resources. 

Ryback. I really don’t believe that they will make Ryback v Goldberg. If they had wanted to go with that, wouldn’t it have made more sense for them to reach out to Goldberg to promote his DVD? Instead, they’ve promoted it and produced it in-house and haven’t contacted him once. He was never approached to make the DVD and that says to me that they’re not about to put Goldberg over anytime soon. Would he agree to come back for one match where he lies down for a dangerous, green, limited version of himself with pink eye? I don’t see it and, frankly, I’m not interested in it.

Michaels. Please God, let Shawn Michaels appear at WrestleMania 30 in any other roll than a guest referee. It’s been done and it’s being done. I don’t know how you use him here but he’ll be there. When he retired I think he meant it. I don’t see him returning to the ring to wrestle ever again and I think it bothers him that people say that they’re retiring and turn back on their word. When he ‘retired’ Flair, it bothered him that he went on to wrestle again. 

Sheamus. I’d pick him to return and win the Rumble but that seems too obvious and puts him in the title picture against people like Cena, Del Rio, Orton, Bryan or Punk. None of those feel right for WrestleMania 30. But he’s a babyface that they like and Hunter is particularly fond of – they spot each other in the gym, apparently. If you put him in a tag team you might be able to squeeze him on to the card but I’d guess he’ll be in the World Heavyweight Title picture. The problem with Sheamus is that to date he has never been in a meaningful feud; it’s very hard to care about him.

Who’s left? Jericho, Kane, Miz, Mysterio, Henry, Sandow and his briefcase, Ziggler, Langston, Christian, Prime Time Players, Cesaro, Swagger, Tons of Funk, The Usos, all the Divas, Fandango, Kofi, Curtis Axel. They may do the pre-show battle royale and there’ll be a Divas Title match. That’s a lot of chaff. 

And what about the annual celebrity appearance? Cena has reached out to Jimmy Kimmel and Justin Timberlake. If so, they’ll not doubt be a combination of hosts and ‘social media ambassadors’, with Timberlake possibly performing.

WrestleMania 30 has to be viewed as a ppv that tries to break the buyrate record. Many fantasy bookers look at what they’d like to see happen rather than what is realistic and many articles that are out there on this same issue are also too keen to make this some sort of nostalgic, unrecognisable event that is more reminiscent of Raw 1,000 than it is the annual marquee ppv that sees the culmination of key storylines and the starting point for new ones. I don’t know that we’re too far out to book WrestleMania 30 but I do know that I look forward to being completely and utterly wrong with my speculative conjecture in six months’ time.

WWE Superstars TV Report – 10th October 2013

This week’s show gave us a really fun Big E Langston match, some Divas action with the return of Kaitlyn and some poor attempts to put over the worst WWE ppv in a long time, Battleground

Big E Langston comes out and Tom Phillips asks Alex Riley what his opinions on Battleground were. Riley’s right arm is in a cast – must be an NXT or training injury because he’s not really on house shows or TV, ever. He says he’ll be back in a month. Back where? Instead of burying Battleground, he ‘spontaneously’ spits some rhymes about it. Awful. And then to make matters worse he called his rap a ‘limerick’ which it wasn’t. I like Riley but this is embarrassing.

Langston is without a program or push right now and many believe that is due to the fact that John Cena is not around right now. Expect that to change when Cena, who is high on Big E, returns. Justin Gabriel is his opponent for his third straight week on Superstars.

Justin Gabriel v Big E Langston

Big E blocks Gabriel’s attempts to lock up by tossing him aside several times. He puts Big E in a headlock who then picks him up and launches him across the ring. There’s no way that Gabriel should beat this man. Langston puts him in a headlock and drags him around the ring only to then shoulder block him to the canvas out of a whip. They repeat the same pattern and Big E gets boos from the crowd.

Langston then rains down on Gabriel with punches but again goes back to a headlock. Once again Gabriel battles out, they run the ropes and this time when Justin tries to hip toss Langston, he is stopped in his tracks. Langston goes for a hip toss himself but he reverses it only to be thrown to the floor. Langston’s whole MO here is to treat Gabriel with distain and to block any attempts at speed or high risk moves.

Big E goes for a gut-wrench suplex which Gabriel reverses, pushing Langston into the ropes so that when he turns round he eats a drop kick. Four minutes in is the first time that Langston is grounded. Trying to capitalise, Gabriel goes for a top rope, springboard moonsault that Langston rolls out of the way of. Gabriel lands on his feet, takes a punch to the stomach and gets hoisted up on to Big E’s shoulders. It looks like he’s going for the Big Ending but instead he drops him on to his thigh for a backbreaker. Gabriel gets covered but kicks out at two as we go to a break.

When we come back, Langston is applying an abdominal stretch (don’t see too many of those these days – is this Hunter’s influence?). Gabriel again tries to gain some advantage but is again thwarted and is punished by a stiff belly-to-belly but, plucky as ever, kicks out at two. A frustrated Big E applies a bear hug. I like his old school move set.

The heat segment starts with Big E missing a splash and then a charge into the turnbuckle. Gabriel hits him with a super kick and hits a cross body into the corner followed by a springboard cross body. Big then blocks another charge to the turnbuckle, grabs him with one arm and slams him to the floor – this looked very cool. The straps come down, he launches Gabriel into the Big Ending and pins him in 7:20. This was a well-told story and was more than just a squash: it was the plucky high-flier v the freakish strong man. A good match.

The Raw Rebound is next – Shawn Michael’s speech to be referee at Hell in a Cell is followed by Del Rio v Ricardo when Vickie interrupts him to announce Cena’s stupidly early return to the ring in 3 weeks.

Out next on Superstars is Kaitlyn. She turned 27 this week and has been off TV for a while. Her opponent is Tamina who they are constanly trying to rebrand and re-push. She’s now playing AJ Lee’s enforcer on Raw and appears tonight in a leather vest over her ring gear and wear it throughout the match. Kind of a Steve Austin look but for women. Odd.

Kaitlyn v Tamina

The two shove each other; Kaitlyn pushes Tamina into the ropes and then brings her down with a drop toe-hold. They mat wrestle until Tamina charges her into a coner and kicks Kaitlyn until the referee is forced to intervene. While he does, Kaitlyn goes for a schoolgirl but only gets a two count.

Kaitlyn then catches Tamina with a drop kick which makes her roll outside. On the apron, Tamina sweeps Kaitlyn’s legs, rolls her back into the ring and covers her for two. Tamina then hits a neat and tidy suplex for another two count but then locks in a rear choke hold. Phillips and Riley put over Battleground with Tom Phillips actually claiming that Cesaro’s giant swing was ‘worth the price of admission’. Completely ridiculous. I know for a fact that most people would highly dispute that. Phillips is OK but he just sounds like a baseball announcer – he lacks any undulation in his tone to be anything more.

Tamina chokes out Kaitlyn on the middle rope and then reapplies the rear choke hold. Riley points out that Kaitlyn was the 4^th longest reigning Divas title holder of all time. Seriously? Well, I looked it up. There have only ever been 20 and Maryse holds the record at 216 days. Yes, Maryse. Soon to be Mrs Miz. Oh the conversations they must have.

Tamina continues to dominate and slam Kaitlyn to the canvas with clotheslines and keeps trying to wear her down with choke holds. Kaitlyn gets some heat, landing a clothesline, a reverse elbow and then a horrible drop kick that looked like it hit Taimina in the womb. She then uses her new finisher which is an inverted DDT but Tamina kicks out at 2 and 7/8ths. They both stay down until Kaitlyn gets up first planting Tamina in the corner to set up for the spear. Tamina blocks it with a knee to the face and hits her with a Samoan drop, pinning her in 6:40. A really rudimentary match until the finish.

A good edition of Superstars finishes with a rerun of Big Show knocking out Triple H after being bitch-slapped by Steph and set upon by The Shield from Raw on Monday.